lolz
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
On Ice
I have come to the startling conclusion that not only are we not alone in this universe, but that
1. Anything is 100% funnier if you add the phrase "On Ice" to the end.
2. It's even funnier if you italicize it
Look-
Hamlet
Not very funny, eh?
Hamlet On Ice
Funny!
Hamlet On Ice
FUNNY!
It works with anything!
Look:
English Class
On Ice
Creative Writing
On (thin) Ice
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On Ice
Dan Quayle
On Ice
Politics
On Ice
Ice
On Ice
Wait... no, not that last one... But you get the point.
On Ice
1. Anything is 100% funnier if you add the phrase "On Ice" to the end.
2. It's even funnier if you italicize it
Look-
Hamlet
Not very funny, eh?
Hamlet On Ice
Funny!
Hamlet On Ice
FUNNY!
It works with anything!
Look:
English Class
On Ice
Creative Writing
On (thin) Ice
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On Ice
Dan Quayle
On Ice
Politics
On Ice
Ice
On Ice
Wait... no, not that last one... But you get the point.
On Ice
Sunday, February 11, 2007
My Initiation Post
Considering all my two posts have either been off-color or off-topic (both, actually) I've decided to write a little bit 'o humor.
Now, As the story begins-
The newest member of theMI7 , the not so British, not so trademarked, secret service, the new James Blond, or 008 (pronounced double-oh-eight), is out infiltrating an ebil, yes, ebil-because evil is trademarked now-base.
James Blond silently creeps down a hallway in this ebil base. He silently comes to a doorway, and silently draws his silenced pistol. He silently and dramatically turns the knob-wait, no, that's anti- climactic, silently and dramatically faces the keypad, with buttons labeled 1-9, but curiously no 0, pound, or star. He correctly has to enter one of the 729 correct 3-digit passwords to enter. Like this, it is scientifically impossible for him to go wrong.
Blond: I like those odds (He develops a nontrademarked sneer.)
He takes his silent gun, shoots the lock, kicks down the door, and shoots the two guards at the door-He was surprisingly silent, so he is not noticed. He turns toward the final hallway to the core reactor power doom destructovice.
His theme music starts playing quietly. He walks down the hallway silently. The music grows dramatically
Meanwhile in the core reactor power doom destructovice, a few guards are hanging out. Playing poker or something. Fragging each other on Counter Strike. Maybe Halo-ing... anyway, eventually they'll get busted for inappropriate use of the company's Poker Table, Gaming Computers and/or Xbox.
NYWAYZ, they decide to suddenly become partially alert for mere seconds-when they hear it-
It is-Theme Music!
Stormtrooper #1, or nameless Stormtrooper- My God! It's James Bond-I mean, It's James Blond!
Stormtrooper Rolf- Mel! Grab the Machine gun!
Stormtrooper Mel- Aye Rolf! Stand by the door!
Adolf Hitler- Heil!
Josef Stalin- Heil!
Rolf- Heil!
Mel- Heil!
Stalin- Now we will get him!
Bond burst in, ready to open a can of-dare I say it, whoop... I dare not say it, I live in a too Utahn Enviroment to say such things.
Anyway, Blond is interrupted in his can opening by a few untimely gunshots. Little late on the the draw, there, eh?
Anyway, that's the end of that, but Ideally, James Blond will be back, played by a different Scottish actor.
Now, As the story begins-
The newest member of the
James Blond silently creeps down a hallway in this ebil base. He silently comes to a doorway, and silently draws his silenced pistol. He silently and dramatically turns the knob-wait, no, that's anti- climactic, silently and dramatically faces the keypad, with buttons labeled 1-9, but curiously no 0, pound, or star. He correctly has to enter one of the 729 correct 3-digit passwords to enter. Like this, it is scientifically impossible for him to go wrong.
Blond: I like those odds (He develops a nontrademarked sneer.)
He takes his silent gun, shoots the lock, kicks down the door, and shoots the two guards at the door-He was surprisingly silent, so he is not noticed. He turns toward the final hallway to the core reactor power doom destructovice.
His theme music starts playing quietly. He walks down the hallway silently. The music grows dramatically
Meanwhile in the core reactor power doom destructovice, a few guards are hanging out. Playing poker or something. Fragging each other on Counter Strike. Maybe Halo-ing... anyway, eventually they'll get busted for inappropriate use of the company's Poker Table, Gaming Computers and/or Xbox.
NYWAYZ, they decide to suddenly become partially alert for mere seconds-when they hear it-
It is-Theme Music!
Stormtrooper #1, or nameless Stormtrooper- My God! It's James Bond-I mean, It's James Blond!
Stormtrooper Rolf- Mel! Grab the Machine gun!
Stormtrooper Mel- Aye Rolf! Stand by the door!
Adolf Hitler- Heil!
Josef Stalin- Heil!
Rolf- Heil!
Mel- Heil!
Stalin- Now we will get him!
Bond burst in, ready to open a can of-dare I say it, whoop... I dare not say it, I live in a too Utahn Enviroment to say such things.
Anyway, Blond is interrupted in his can opening by a few untimely gunshots. Little late on the the draw, there, eh?
Anyway, that's the end of that, but Ideally, James Blond will be back, played by a different Scottish actor.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Physics test
I just took a physics test. This has caused me to look deeper into myself and ask myself these three main questions that have befuddled all of humankind since the proverbial Beginning, namely:
1: Why are we here?
2: Where are we going?
3: What should I have for lunch?
With the first question referring to School (of course) and the second referring to which college we'll go to (of course).
I have answers for two of them.
1: Because we don't have any choice. Because of the stupid bureaucracy it doesn't matter how intelligent you are or what you plan on doing for a living, you still have to learn specific subjects at a specific rate.
2: I don't know about the rest of you suckers (should any suckers happen to fall into this blog. Not likely; if any were to do so they would be immediately consumed by me), but I'm going to BYU. Then Neumont. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to go to a nerd school so I can hang out with a bunch of geeks who think exactly like me and then get a job dorking around on a computer in a big corporation for the rest of my life. Deal with it.
3: This is the unanswerable question. As much as I would like to be able to tell you, I can't. The reason being: I have not had lunch yet, so my "lunch income variable" (L) is equal to zero and anyone knows that E (enjoyment of lunch) = T (time spent on a computer during lunch) * A (The number of things you achieve during lunch) all divided by L (amount of lunch). As you can see, my value for E is undefined, so I cannot answer this question. This probably means I will die of Lunch Deprivation before I turn nineteen, but hey. There are much worse ways to die, right? Right. Moving on.
In closing, I'd like to leave you with this message:
*ahem*
THIS IS NOT A CHIPMUNK.
Thank you. That is all.
I think I have messed up the size of my font. That inspires me to say "Oh crap, oh crap, I'm losing control." Thank you.
1: Why are we here?
2: Where are we going?
3: What should I have for lunch?
With the first question referring to School (of course) and the second referring to which college we'll go to (of course).
I have answers for two of them.
1: Because we don't have any choice. Because of the stupid bureaucracy it doesn't matter how intelligent you are or what you plan on doing for a living, you still have to learn specific subjects at a specific rate.
2: I don't know about the rest of you suckers (should any suckers happen to fall into this blog. Not likely; if any were to do so they would be immediately consumed by me), but I'm going to BYU. Then Neumont. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to go to a nerd school so I can hang out with a bunch of geeks who think exactly like me and then get a job dorking around on a computer in a big corporation for the rest of my life. Deal with it.
3: This is the unanswerable question. As much as I would like to be able to tell you, I can't. The reason being: I have not had lunch yet, so my "lunch income variable" (L) is equal to zero and anyone knows that E (enjoyment of lunch) = T (time spent on a computer during lunch) * A (The number of things you achieve during lunch) all divided by L (amount of lunch). As you can see, my value for E is undefined, so I cannot answer this question. This probably means I will die of Lunch Deprivation before I turn nineteen, but hey. There are much worse ways to die, right? Right. Moving on.
In closing, I'd like to leave you with this message:
*ahem*
THIS IS NOT A CHIPMUNK.
Thank you. That is all.
I think I have messed up the size of my font. That inspires me to say "Oh crap, oh crap, I'm losing control." Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
